Tale of Three Couches
by ShunKickShunKers
Summary: Oneshot. Sort of sequel to 'Tale of Two Couches' but I don't think reading it first is a necessity :D. Couch pov and Jisbon :D


**Heya people****! This idea nagged me since Lisbon had her couch replaced (for Anni if you read this, I did think about it :3), how the couches felt about it. It's more like a short one-shot sequel of Tale of Two Couches and attempt of humour :p **

**Small recap: Leather couch is Jane's (aka Laura or Large Leather), ****Velvet couch is Lisbon's former couch (aka Maria or Scarlet Bitch) ;)**

**Warning: rated T for mentions of adult themes :D **

**Disclaimer: Only the couches' name and ****the grammar mistakes are mine :D**

* * *

**Tale of Three C****ouches**

*******Leather Couch pov***

I don't know if this must be a happy or a sad day. For the first time in a few years, I actually felt sympathy for the Scarlet Bitch in Agent Lisbon's office. True, we never got along and were always in competition, but seeing her being replaced by another couch was kinda heart-breaking. One bright morning, two people came to move her out of the room I would have sold my soul to get in. I had to admit I admired her in that moment. She stood extremely stoic and, I admit again, not so surprisingly _relieved_ to get out.

For the last months, since my Janie and Agent Lisbon started dating, I knew Maria had gone through a lot; late discussions, take-outs and most of all, passionate making-out and lovemaking on her seat. At first, I was extremely envious of my colleague and rival's position. Way before those two got together, we were in silent competition to witness the evolution of the unofficial couple. After I realised _she_ had won the first round by seeing them kissing, I was obsessed by catching up with her and hoping dearly Janie would consider _me_ for their first time in the office.

But when that moment arrived, even though I was pretty much overexcited by the event eventually happening, I was somehow shocked by their ardour during the act. I still bear the consequences of the only time they decided to change support and test the cosiness of my cushions. From that day, I was never, ever jealous of her again. Having my Janie and his girlfriend sitting side by side –like just after he was kidnapped- was well enough. Despite me still being smitten about them, I think they traumatised me for life.

They still used me during the day though, when people –aka the team- were still around and susceptible to overhear their small talking and innocent bickering. But at night, when they stayed way after the others had left and the tension was almost too much to bear, they locked themselves in the intimacy of her office and the only sounds I could hear were soft moans and sighs.

Thinking about her, I missed my former colleague. Not that the new one was unbearable! Meredith was much nicer and open-minded, even if she hadn't fallen for my favourite couple yet. I knew it was just a matter of time before she realised the couple was worth every bit of attention. But I missed glaring at Maria when the door was opened. Strange, how we always notice the small habits once they are gone…

***Velvet Couch pov***

As the movers put me in the back of their truck, I couldn't help but breathe with relief. Of course, it's always sad to leave a place you had occupied several years, but if people had been in my position the last few months, they would understand my contentment in leaving the CBI office.

At first, seeing my two favourite humans struggling with their relationship was quite amusing and fascinating. But when they started acting on their feelings, my enjoyment turned into annoyance. Having Agent Lisbon straddling Jane's tights and both making out was okay. It was when the first layer of clothing hit the ground and she was pinned underneath him that it became harder to handle. I am even surprise they didn't break me before. I swear, without entering the details, they both had a great amount of stamina for their age. I was so mentally exhausted, it always came as a huge relief when they lay to rest, content of their… performance. My cushions suffered greatly of their passionate intercourses, and perhaps that was one of the reasons why Jane decided to change me.

They needed something comfy, yet solid and resistant to endure their long hours of…coupling, for lack of better term. It wasn't always pure love that drove them on my seat. Sometimes, it was an angry Agent Lisbon wanting to take the upper hand over her irritating consultant; other times it was Jane needing comfort; or even a teasing or some flirting quickly turning into more. I swear, if Jane hadn't bought another couch, I would have lost it. No-one can understand how much the skeleton of a sofa suffers after being roughly moved around repetitively. Even Large Leather didn't until she had to experiment it herself. For some reason to my great dismay, Agent Lisbon and Jane had preferred my cover, claiming sweat and leather didn't mix well…especially with the aftermath, when lying to catch their breath, they had to deal with the sticky texture.

It didn't happen every night of course! But enough to annoy me greatly and accelerate the degradation of my state…and since Lisbon was a workaholic and Jane's behaviour seems to deteriorate more and more…I would pass the details. But I sure pitied my replacement.

I had a pleasant surprise though. One night –a few days before Jane had the great idea of replacing me- after a torrid intercourse due to an ongoing case, while they rested panting and holding the other in a tender embrace, I saw, rather than heard, Agent Lisbon mouthing a discreet 'I love you' against his shoulder. The atmosphere was so peaceful that voiced out loud, these words dropping out of her mouth would have sounded perfect. But I knew better. I knew, as Agent Lisbon did, that Jane was not ready to cross _that_ stage yet. In spite of his obvious feelings for her, using the word 'love' would still be too early. And when I realised I was being kicked out, I admit I was a little angry at Jane –how was I suppose how it would end now?

Another unexpected negative thing; to my great surprise I realised I would actually _miss_ Large Leather. Not having that gossip couch glare at me from time to time or making monologues on every affair going on the CBI would a little…sad. Too bad we couldn't exchange news by mails. I imagine her perfectly sending something half-insulting half-complimenting letters, writing overwhelming information on our dear 'Jisbon' couple and how the newbie would handle them…

If I could I would smirk right now. I really, really pitied my replacement.

***Greyish Couch pov***

One thing I will always remember from my before-CBI life was the indifference. I use to be a banal, greyish couch among many others no-one paid attention to. I was exposed in a huge furniture store, alongside with a bright red sofa and a black and white row of chairs. Even my name is plain and not very original. Meredith. Go ahead, make that weird joke using my name added to my colour and ending into a referrance to that fictional character of Grey's Anatomy. I'm used to it now.

Anyway, before my career as a CBI couch, my life was rather dull and repetitive. Store opened, clients entered, eyed the couches, bought one or not and went out. Store closed, the vigil made his tour (sometime with his girlfriend) and kept an eye on us till the manager came back. Every day, for at least a year, it was the same boring routine until that weirdo in three-piece-suite walked through the threshold. After a quick glance around, judging my fellow couches, he lay on my neighbour; arms crossed over his stomach and stared at the ceiling. A few minutes after, he sat more comfortably on the extra pillows to watch something in front of him, frowned and left to try another one. Three failed the test before he eventually set his eyes on me. And for some reason, I passed.

Within three days, my environment shifted from banal store to CBI office. Or to be more precise, the office of the Serious Unit Crime leader. At first, I could clearly feel she resented my presence, calling after everyone for her previous couch. The next day though, she gave me a chance and sat, trying to make herself comfortable before jumping on her feet at a pretty redhead's arrival. I knew then she had accepted my presence.

However, it was only after a fair introduction of my colleague and neighbour Laura that I got a clearer snapshot of what was happening around here. In fact, not only I got the name of the officers I would see around, but also a very detailed description of their profile and habits and relationship with each other. Within one day, I was informed of almost every detail that had occurred these past ten years, and extremely impressed by the useless facts Laura could memorize.

I also got a few days to confirm everything she told me –the good like the bad ones. The good thing was I would never be bored with the agitation around and there was plenty to analyze and watch; the bad thing was I had been chosen by a particular man for a particular reason. My first few days had passed when I heard my buyer –namely Patrick Jane – _suggesting_ to his boss they should try me tonight. At first, I didn't understand, or didn't want to understand. But when her cheeks flushed and she babbled something about the bad shape they had left the previous couch in, my blood froze. Metaphorically speaking. And my fears were confirmed exactly three hours later, when all lights were turned off, the door locked and clothes started to fall on the floor.

If my chaste senses hadn't been perverted by the vigil in my early years, then that night would have opened my eyes on human lovemaking and how much they enjoyed it. Well, especially these two. It wasn't that I disliked the couple. On the contrary, I found them rather entertaining to watch. But I would always stick to my point, which was their lovemaking _hurts_.

Describing them in action would bring awkward and painful memories –good thing I was built with solid materials. But I have to confess I was also impressed that first night. I rarely saw two people's actions screaming words they could not voice (even a brush of a _finger _spoke volumes). The way they touched, caressed or looked at their partner was so revealing of the deepness of their feelings for each other I almost forget what they were actually _doing_ on my seat.

The aftermath hurt like hell though.

As they left the office and I slowly realised what had just occurred, my skeleton started to show its disapprobation towards their previous activities. Hey blame me; they _had_ been rough. Playful, but still rough. Extremely rough I shall add.

Just like right now.

Melting their bodies in synchronised moves, kissing to smoother their moans and groans, one of her hands slipped in his blond curls and the other holding on his back, his making sure he wasn't crushing her too much with his weight –though I'm sure she didn't exactly cared right now…Even if it was extremely gross for me –you think they clean their mess afterwards?- I just let them do patiently. Not that I could prevent their lovemaking in anyway since I technically can't move, but I knew what brought them on my cushions tonight.

They had a new case. A young boy had called earlier that day, saying his dad had completely lost it and was beating the crap out of his older sister; and he didn't know what to do to save her. The team had immediately rushed to the place, but it had been too late. The girl had fallen in a comatose state and the boy was sobbing uncontrollably, holding a still smoking gun in his hand in front of his father's corpse. I heard the details later when, past nine o'clock; Jane entered Lisbon's office and told the woman nothing of this mess was her fault. She had retorted she knew, but couldn't help it. He pushed her buttons, she picked up the bait, they argued and there they were, lying on my seat, naked and panting heavily.

They didn't speak, not needing to actually voice their thoughts to make the other understand what they were feeling. Lisbon closed her eyes and cuddled Jane, relaxing in his strong embrace. And I swear what happened next caught me completely off-guard. I barely knew anything about them –I had only been there for a few weeks,mind you- but something I did know was that they were extremely private people, not the kind to spill out loud what they thought.

So when _Patrick Jane_ of all people whispered a quiet, barely audible 'I love you too', please understand I was stunned. What caught me off guard too was the petite agent's response. She didn't acknowledged his sentence but merely smiled against his skin and I had the feeling I missed something. Had she confessed first, hence the 'too'? I have no idea if this was a good thing for me –meaning they would cease to torment me and go back home to tyrannise their bed; or if I had to be up to Jane's expectations when he bought me –solid and hardy and long-lasting.

Because if they were…vigorous like this every night; despite all the solid stuff I was made of, I knew I would not live past the upcoming month.

* * *

**I know, the ending was a bit rushed but I didn't find anything better :P ****Please tell me what you thought of it?**

**Thanks for reading :D **


End file.
